You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
