Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
