He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
