Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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