He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
