yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
