At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
how drunk are you?
Several
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
