No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
