No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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