the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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