covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if only i could text you this smell
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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