for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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