Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
