shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was born a porn star she said
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
