we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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