I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
