I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
