Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
