Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize