I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
