i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
