just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
