I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need moral support for this bender
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
