hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
