I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
