Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
