I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We have so much sex to catch up on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
