I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
