Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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