All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't turn off my feet"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
