oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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