THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
