When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
