I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
