So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
