i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
