yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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