Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
