So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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