Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
