fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
