I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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