i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
