is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
