Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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