i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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