Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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