census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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