There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
