you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
