i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
