I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They took my balls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
