So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
