he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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