: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
