Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
