Quick, to the slutcave!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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