The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize