hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
