I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
