____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize