Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
