I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're like the curious george of whores
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
