how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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