hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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