Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
