Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Everything about him screamed your future.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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