you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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