She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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