Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
