I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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