I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize