So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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