I CAN MOONWALK!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
