UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
