Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
