Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
