In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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