Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
