i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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