you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
