Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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