Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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