i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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