I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
