I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
