I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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