So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
