I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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