I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
