shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
