WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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