The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
