90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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