Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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