genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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