One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
