so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
