You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
