I'm pants shitting drunk right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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