If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
