In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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