So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
