he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize