I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
