I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
try to milk me bitch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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