it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
