If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
