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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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