so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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