Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
