fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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