A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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