Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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