whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
