I accidentally had phone sex last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
